Brad Violations – Part 1

I have these rules. Actually, there’s an entire user’s manual for me, but for the sake of space and time, we’ll discuss rules. Violation of these rules have been coined “Brad Violations” by my therapist. I actually like that idea. It somehow validates it all when your therapist gives it a name, doesn’t it? Some may call Brad Violations “pet peeves,” or other such silly catch-all phrases, but those are not for me. I like Brad Violations better. It makes them sound more severe, and in most cases they are. Let me give you a few examples so you know what I’m talking about.

1) Do not drop by my apartment unannounced. You may as well come over, take the foulest smelling dump in my bathroom, not flush and then proceed to urinate all over my floor. It’s just not right. You have a cell phone. Call from outside my door and tell me you’re there, but don’t knock or ring the bell unannounced.

2) Do not chew food loud or slurp your beverage within earshot of me. My dear father, I love him so, but the man cannot eat food of any texture without making me wish someone had a chalk board next to them to run their finger nails down. That would be more pleasant. When I eat with my father I have to sit on the opposite end of the table. My sister said that she taught him how to drink coffee. I love her.

3) While it may not be as serious of a violation, don’t wear a t-shirt to a concert that has the band’s name on it. It’s just gross. Sure, it may be convenient to wear the shirt you just bought at the show than to carry it, but just carry it. Don’t be that person. In addition to looking like a complete idiot, you are in violation.

I realize Brad Violations may seem trite to you, but that’s why they are called Brad Violations, and not just violations. Surely you have your own set. Use the comment link and share them with the world.