Im A Whore

And so are you. A few months back I got curious about what would happen if I placed an online personal. My first thought was, “Really lame, you fucking loser. Get out of your apartment.” But then it made sense. I don’t meet people when I go out because I’m usually too busy paying attention to the band. Besides, I don’t know many people that meet a quality person at a bar or club, though there are usually plenty to look at.

So, I’m a whore. I placed an online personal and got responses. I even dated someone for a couple of months. See, the cool thing about online personals is you don’t have to meet anyone and there’s no pressure. You have absolutly nothing to lose. If you don’t like someone, you don’t write back. Admittedly, I take a somewhat passive approach to it all, so there’s not really much effort involved either.

There are a few qualifications for interested parties (this is not a pitch for you to email me, btw):

1) No cat people. When I say cat people, that means people with cats. I’m allergic to them, I don’t like them and most of the people that own cats are freaks, and not in a good way.

2) Have a photo. How long does it take to have someone snap a photo of you? I read a headline that pretty much summed it up, 22 + no photo = fat and ugly. I’d lay down money there’s a reason people don’t post photos, and it’s not because they’re afraid of being recognized walking down Rodeo Drive.

3) No headshots. People that use headshots usually have gained a few since they went to Glamor Shots at the mall or were the subject of some “art project” in high school. Again, just snap a photo an put it up. There’s not much effort involved.

So, there you have it. My rules for the world of online personals. Many won’t admit they do it, but if nothing else, it’s fodder for some interesting stories.