I’m A Whore

And so are you. A few months back I got curious about what would happen if I placed an online personal. My first thought was, “Really lame, you fucking loser. Get out of your apartment.” But then it made sense. I don’t meet people when I go out because I’m usually too busy paying attention to the band. Besides, I don’t know many people that meet a quality person at a bar or club, though there are usually plenty to look at.

So, I’m a whore. I placed an online personal and got responses. I even dated someone for a couple of months. See, the cool thing about online personals is you don’t have to meet anyone and there’s no pressure. You have absolutly nothing to lose. If you don’t like someone, you don’t write back. Admittedly, I take a somewhat passive approach to it all, so there’s not really much effort involved either.

There are a few qualifications for interested parties (this is not a pitch for you to email me, btw):

1) No cat people. When I say cat people, that means people with cats. I’m allergic to them, I don’t like them and most of the people that own cats are freaks, and not in a good way.

2) Have a photo. How long does it take to have someone snap a photo of you? I read a headline that pretty much summed it up, 22 + no photo = fat and ugly. I’d lay down money there’s a reason people don’t post photos, and it’s not because they’re afraid of being recognized walking down Rodeo Drive.

3) No headshots. People that use headshots usually have gained a few since they went to Glamor Shots at the mall or were the subject of some “art project” in high school. Again, just snap a photo an put it up. There’s not much effort involved.

So, there you have it. My rules for the world of online personals. Many won’t admit they do it, but if nothing else, it’s fodder for some interesting stories.

8 thoughts on “I’m A Whore”

  1. there have to be just as many dog freaks out there as there are cat freaks.

    both are a bit out of their minds. when people collect them like baseball cards, I start to wonder. dogs and cats are both amazing, but one is plenty.

  2. Lace Leggings and Lethargy:

    Ah, the Personal Ad, a form of communication that’s been getting a lot of attention lately. I noticed that Nerve.com and Boston.com use the same personal ad of the day at the same time, sometimes give or take a day. I guess there’s a massive Personal Ad company out there called Spring Street or whathaveyou. I made a personal ad, the least detail possible, just so I could browse the Nerve.com ads and look at how people see, or don’t see, themselves. Yes, I’m a sociological nut for human behavior and I go to bars by myself more often than not. For me and my situations with respect to dating and such, I’m not going to put any face or information on the Web for others to play with, even though it sounds like fun. I keep my personality personal, not hucking mud at you Brad, just a different point of view.
    Meeting girls is not really hard for me. I get enough sparse and unintentional attention to manage my libido and my imagination. With respect to Personal Ads I’m more interested in the theme of it all. The cleverness that is so important, the wit, etc. If I ever make one, which I probably will now that I’m typing this entry, it’ll be vast and overdone, poetry quotes in tow.
    Good luck Brad on finding that “special someone.” Keep us all updated, or not, on the Barrish Personal Ad Project. I’ll be watching!!!

    –JD Stone

  3. JD – The thing is, I don’t do it to find that special someone, and I don’t have a problem meeting women away from my computer, but it’s the women of quality that I have trouble finding. If I really was looking for that special someone…well, I dunno if I would even be looking. I hear those things just kind of happen. Anyway, you’re talking to someone who doesn’t want to get married or have children, which makes it even more difficult. You mention that in a room full of women and how far it gets you. Even if I’m just looking for a woman to “manage my libido,” I need a woman with a brain [that she uses]. Apparently brains are hard to come by around these parts. I appreciate your concern.

  4. Loin Management Incorporated:

    So, never marrying and no spawn, I see the complications, my friend. I, on the other hand, exude a husband like aura, again, not in my intention, its a family thing. With life in my household being very tactile and optimistic, not sure why those matter right now, I tend to absorb women, even temporarily, that are well-rounded and clever. The dregs of the female form never seem to wander close to me and I rarely worry for the sake of my imagination or intelligence.
    The “special someone” thing is a joke to me. There’s too many people out there with better things to do than keep the RADAR on all the time. I took one swipe at women and then turned it off. I imagine yours has been off for a while.
    LA must be a weird place to germinate your sexulaity in. The balance of character and power in the city would seem to make it difficult for the sub-vocal lover; the kind that likes to think before they speak. So, whoring yourself out to Personal Ads is akin to me just sitting in a coffee shop or bar, day by day, looking for the spontaneous touch of female grace.
    That’s all for now on the subject. Thanks for the reply.

    –JD Stone

  5. Watch it with the dog people comment. Dog people are a different breed [sic] entirely. Line me up a bunch of people, some with dogs and some with cats, and I’ll have no problem telling you who owns what. One cat is too many. The only good cat is a Bonsai Kitten. Actually, a friend of mine has a Cornish Rex that I like a lot. They don’t shed and seem to have a little dog sense in them.

  6. The Pothead Comment:

    I’ve been a dog man since I was a fetus. My father bought my mother a German Shepherd to walk with her around out neighborhood and the surrounding marsh area. He was a bastard and completely wonderful. I learned how to speak DOG from him. Cat’s aren’t the kind of vocal animal I want around me. My friend in NYC has a cat that is, well, a scared cat, a scaredy cat, spelling anyone? The animal also happens to sound like a small bird in a cage when it makes noises. I really can’t stand it. The only thing cats are really good for is sitting still and looking like upholstery. Dogs, on the other hand, are glorious, animated, rough and tumble, animals that emulate humans better than the B-movie actors on Rodeo or Wiltshire. My dog, a Pembroke Welsh Corgi, is 15 years-old and speaks a small human vocabulary with DOG inflections.

    A dog is the best a human can do for a pet, fuck Chimpanzees, they need diapers anyway.

    –JD Stone

  7. Oh, I forgot, NOPUNINTENDED:

    Cats are only good when stoned. All my stoner friends have cats, and they get them stoned. Cats are good when stoned, dogs eat all the cheese and shit their brains out.

    Dogs — 100,000,000 Cats — 3

    …that’s how I’m running the score!

    –JD Stone

  8. i think u suck big ass cause if you wonder y u don’t get love take a look in the mirror dork face y not consider setting ya face alight then running around screaming then look at ya face after (much better)

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