Since April??

“Hi Mr. Barrish. We have had your clothes since April. If you could please come and get them as soon as possible, we would appreciate it.”

Look, I know you’ve had my clothes since April, and frankly I’m a little disappointed you didn’t call sooner. And just for the record, there’s a comforter cover there as well. I apologize for it taking up so much precious space and all, but I have better things to do with what little money I have these days. As much as I would like to pick up clothes that I never wear and a comforter cover that my dog has stained, which most likely looks exactly the same as when I brought it to you, it’s just not going to happen right now.

You’re just going to have to hang on to my clean clothes and comforter cover a little while longer. At least they’re clean, right? I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I just can’t bring myself to pick everything up. At this point I’m a little too embarrassed. While the tone of your voicemail was calm, I feel that at the very least I would be charged interest and possibly lynched for using your dry cleaning facility as my closet. I’m just a little afraid to show my face there, okay? I’m sure you understand. Thanks for sewing the button back on the shirt I never wear.

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